Tag Archives: words

Stale Grandma Biscotti

IMG_2932I despise lazy weekend days.  I know that may seem strange to many of you, but I do.  I love Saturdays, but only when I have a project I’m working on, or an activity I’m doing, or some friends I have plans to hang out with.  I can do lazy for a couple hours, but then I get antsy and start wandering around the house looking for things to do.  One of my go-to activities to fill these lazy times is baking.  If I’m not going to do anything productive, I figure I might as well use my time to make some sort of awesome dessert!  Cookies, brownies, truffles, cinnamon rolls, muffins…whatever mood I happen to be in.  I’ll look online, find something that looks yummy and try it out.

IMG_2488One day, I was in one of these moods and after pacing around the kitchen, I announced that I was going to make some biscotti.  Now biscotti had been one of my staples to make.  They take some effort, but turn out good and are fun to do.  Well, after hearing about my plan, Julia offered her opinion in the form of, “why don’t you make some chocolate chip cookies instead?”  I was a little confused.  Since I already had my plan made, I didn’t really want to change, but wanted to find out the root of why she suggested the change, so I asked her if she didn’t like biscotti.  She responded, “they taste like stale grandma cookies!”  Ouch!  I did not see that coming.  So you know what I did?  I made chocolate chip cookies.  Why?  Because they’re awesome!  And because if I’m going to make something awesome…it might as well be something Julia wants too.  And…that was the last time I made biscotti.

Fast forward about a year.  I was making something in the kitchen the other day when Julia asked me, “Why don’t you ever make biscotti anymore?  Those were SO good!”  I laughed to myself and related to her my last memory of trying to make them.  She was so embarrassed and apologized, and we both laughed about it.  Apparently she actually does like them.  Apparently she just wasn’t in the mood for them that day and thought cookies would have been better.  So, about a week later, during some nothing-going-on time, I made some more biscotti.  They were awesome…and the world rejoiced.

My challenge to you:

Be careful with your words.  This scenario wasn’t a big deal.  I wasn’t hurt and we didn’t suffer from lack of desserts (which would have been the true crime), but it is a good example to show how one small statement, that may not be what you actually mean to say, can be taken to heart and can change someone’s actions.  Imagine if you made a flippant remark to your wife about an outfit, or her looks, or something she’s done for you.  What kind of impact do you think that would have on her?  Do you think she would remember it?  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Don’t forget to tell her why she is great

One way people receive love is through words of affirmation.  (See previous post for thoughts on love languages).  What this means is telling someone something good about them through words…either spoken or written.  It’s always nice for someone to hear that they are loved, that they are special, that they are attractive, or that something they did was appreciated.  For someone who responds to and needs words of affirmation, you can never tell them these things too much.

photo 2Julia loves receiving words of affirmation, so I do my best to try to love her in this way.  She pretty much ALWAYS looks great, so it can be easy for me to take it for granted.  I try to remember to tell her so whenever I think of it.  But, as nice as looking good is…it really is minor in importance in comparison to other things.  So, I try to share things I think about her that are positive…affirming how good of a mom she is, telling her how proud I am of how she’s able to help other people, telling her how impressed I am when she has a great day at the gym or tennis, etc.  In addition to telling her with words, I like to send her texts or emails when I think of it.  I also love to leave notes around the house where she’ll find them.

photo 1My favorite was one day when I wrote out 40 different reasons why I loved her on small notes and hid them around the house.  I think there are still a few she hasn’t found yet.  I think it’s funny because when I leave notes around, my intention is just for her to see them that day, but then she ends up leaving them up for 6 months or so, because she doesn’t want to throw them away.  So, she ends up getting to see them a lot!

If words of affirmation are an important way that your wife receives love, make sure you’re doing what you can to fill her up in this way.  Here are some ideas:

  • Tell her when she looks good
  • Tell her when she has done something impressive
  • Thank her when she does something for you that you appreciate
  • Tell her how valuable she is and what a difference she makes in your or someone else’s life
  • Leave a note of something good where she will find it (or 20!)
  • Send her an email or a text message of something positive
  • Write her a handwritten letter and mail it

My challenge to you:
Evaluate how well you’re loving your wife in this area.  Regardless of what you currently do, think of some ways you can improve…and get at it!