Tag Archives: submissive

What to do if your wife isn’t being submissive

Thinking man and question markYikes…why did I pick this topic?!  If there is one word that is most likely to cause immediate tension concerning marriage “submissive” may be it.  Don’t jump to any conclusions about what I’m going to say though.  If you’re reading this far, hopefully you’ll make it to the end so you get the full picture of what I want to share.

Typically to tackle a topic like this, one would start out evaluating what it means to be submissive and to see what the Bible says about it.  But, I’m NOT going to do that…for a few reasons:

  1. I’m no Biblical scholar.  There are plenty of other websites where people have written about it after doing a lot more studying and research than I have.  If you really want to look into it, then check out one of these sites.
    1. http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/whats-so-scary-about-submission.html?start=1
    2. http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/wives/what-should-be-the-wifes-role-in-marriage#.VI3PA4s-DBI
    3. http://www.carolineabbott.com/2013/01/what-does-biblical-submission-really-mean/
  2. It would take too much writing to effectively cover the topic.  It is too easy to make a few short statements about the topic that can be misunderstood with drastic consequences.
  3. **Most Importantly** This blog is directed toward husbands.  If you are a husband, I want you to FORGET ABOUT WHAT YOUR WIFE ISN’T DOING and focus on what YOU are doing!

It is a cop-out to focus on things your wife should be doing better.  To effectively make a difference, I want men to think of what THEY can do better in their marriage…based on what the Bible says.  But, don’t think this blog is a bait and switch.  I truly think that the BEST way to encourage your wife to help her fulfill her role as a wife, is for YOU to focus on fulfilling your role as a husband.  So…let’s see what the Bible says about husbands.

Ephesians 5:23 – For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Colossians 3:19 – Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

So as husbands, we are instructed to be the head of our wives and to love our wives.  So, what does that mean?  Well, the example we are given is to model how Christ is the head of the church, how Christ loved the church, and how Christ “gave himself up for” the church.  Here is what He did for His church:

– He hung out with the rejects instead of the cool people.
– He acted like a servant and washed feet.
– He sacrificed comfort and prestige (that he could have easily had) to focus on loving and caring for the needs of others.
– He died in the place of the church, so that they didn’t have to.

If we take these concepts and apply it to a husband’s role, it might look something like this:

– He sacrifices what HE wants to meet the needs of his wife.
– He is a servant, willing to do menial tasks that show his wife he cares.
– He uses the money he earns to bless her (and others) rather than himself.
– He leads by example in love, humility, and sacrifice.

Now, the purpose of this blog is to get men to focus on THEIR lives.  But, to speak briefly to the original question of “what to do if your wife isn’t being submissive”, I want to make 2 quick points.

  1. If there is a disparity between what either of you feels your roles should look like and what they actually DO look like, I suggest you have an open and honest conversation about it.  For a topic like this, it would be a good idea to involve a christian counselor in the conversation.
  2. In conjunction with talking about it, never forget to pray.  Pray for her and pray for you…that you will BOTH fill your marriage roles as God intended and will be loving and accepting of the other…no matter what.

So, in summary…what do you do if your wife isn’t being submissive?  You get your OWN junk together.  THAT’S what you do!  If you can be the husband God has called you to be, then maybe your wife will be more likely to “submit” to your leadership.