The first thing you need to realize is that you cannot “win an argument”. Yes, you read that right. It doesn’t matter how clever of a defense you come up with, or what sort of glaring mistakes you point out in the other person, you will lose. Winning an argument is not predicated on proving who is right. The more you continue to argue your point, the bigger the hole you are both in.
I know, I know…THAT’S TOUGH! We all want to be right. And it feels SO GOOD to lay down the hammers of justice and truth with some witty retorts and truth-bombs. So, where does the “winning” come into play? A win comes about by resolving the argument in a loving way where each of you learn and grow in your relationship. BOOM! So, you want the secret? Here you go…
- Get to the root of what your wife is upset about. Hint…it may not be what you originally think it is. Ask some questions to make sure you understand what she’s upset about.
- Share your side of the story. Be careful here because this step has the potential to stir things up more. Make sure to be cautious and loving with any words you use. This step is important because it’s important for BOTH of you to understand where the other person is coming from.
- Figure out what part of the argument is your fault. I don’t mean figure out what % at fault you are, then compare that to her…but figure out what YOU did wrong. If you are arguing with your wife, you did SOMETHING wrong.
- Take a minute to calm down. Maybe go to a different room or take a short walk. Use the time to think and pray for perspective.
- Apologize first. Admit what you did wrong and be genuinely sorry about it.
I bet you’ll find that if you go through these steps, the argument will soon be a thing of the past. Then…YOU WIN! That doesn’t mean you “won the argument” by being right, but rather that “you won” by resolving the argument and both of you growing.