Julia loves getting flowers…this is something I know. She tells me frequently, and it is very clear. She doesn’t tell me in a nagging pestering way making me feel like a louse for not getting them. But, sometimes we talk about things we can do to show each other love and things we really appreciate, and flowers is one that seems to always come up.
You would think this clarity would be great right? I’ve been granted access to this secret knowledge of a way to Julia’s heart…score! So, what could go wrong??!! I’ll tell you what goes wrong…I don’t get them. It’s as simple as that. “But Michael, that doesn’t make any sense!” you say…”if she tells you that she feels loved when you get her flowers, and you are always trying to find ways to show her you love her, then why don’t you just get her some flowers?!” That’s a very good question, to which I don’t have a good answer.
Now to be fair, I DO get her flowers sometimes. Sometimes it’s for no reason at all. Sometimes it’s when she’s having a rough day. But, my issue is the frequency. To give context for comparison, let’s says her ideal desire is flowers once a month (I’m just throwing that out there as a basis to compare to, not that it is accurate). If that is her desire, my frequency is around once every 3 months probably.
So, here is the issue…there is a big opportunity for me to show her that I love her, that I was thinking about her, that she is more important to me than the small cost of getting something pretty even if they only last a short time. Even though I do it some, this bothers me that I’m missing out on an opportunity to knock her love-socks off.
I don’t have a magic answer to master situations like this. Obviously…because I am far from figuring it out. But, my hope is to continue to think about her and think about how I can show her I love her. I’ve recently been thinking that I wished I would get Julia flowers more. Then, yesterday, I was at the store getting some groceries, and when I passed the flowers section, it wasn’t even a question of whether or not I wanted to get some. I picked out some flowers I thought she would like and put them in a vase at home. When she saw them, she came up with a big smile and gave me a hug and a kiss and told me thank you. Score!
My challenge to you:
Is there an area that your wife could feel loved in that you’re not doing all you can? Maybe it’s getting her jewelry, you cooking dinner, cleaning the house, taking her on dates, helping out more with the kids. Think about what your wife has expressed about ways you can show her love, and think about if there are some of those areas you’re NOT taking advantage of. Then…make a plan to make it happen. Keeping it at the front of your mind is going to be the best way to help make it a reality.