One way people receive love is through words of affirmation. (See previous post for thoughts on love languages). What this means is telling someone something good about them through words…either spoken or written. It’s always nice for someone to hear that they are loved, that they are special, that they are attractive, or that something they did was appreciated. For someone who responds to and needs words of affirmation, you can never tell them these things too much.
Julia loves receiving words of affirmation, so I do my best to try to love her in this way. She pretty much ALWAYS looks great, so it can be easy for me to take it for granted. I try to remember to tell her so whenever I think of it. But, as nice as looking good is…it really is minor in importance in comparison to other things. So, I try to share things I think about her that are positive…affirming how good of a mom she is, telling her how proud I am of how she’s able to help other people, telling her how impressed I am when she has a great day at the gym or tennis, etc. In addition to telling her with words, I like to send her texts or emails when I think of it. I also love to leave notes around the house where she’ll find them.
My favorite was one day when I wrote out 40 different reasons why I loved her on small notes and hid them around the house. I think there are still a few she hasn’t found yet. I think it’s funny because when I leave notes around, my intention is just for her to see them that day, but then she ends up leaving them up for 6 months or so, because she doesn’t want to throw them away. So, she ends up getting to see them a lot!
If words of affirmation are an important way that your wife receives love, make sure you’re doing what you can to fill her up in this way. Here are some ideas:
- Tell her when she looks good
- Tell her when she has done something impressive
- Thank her when she does something for you that you appreciate
- Tell her how valuable she is and what a difference she makes in your or someone else’s life
- Leave a note of something good where she will find it (or 20!)
- Send her an email or a text message of something positive
- Write her a handwritten letter and mail it
My challenge to you:
Evaluate how well you’re loving your wife in this area. Regardless of what you currently do, think of some ways you can improve…and get at it!