I realized something a while ago about the way I dressed. When I was at home, my clothes of choice were…lacking…to put it mildly. This usually consisted of cargo pants or jeans paired with a faded t-shirt that I’d had for around 10 years. Nothing generally matched and many clothes had holes or stains on them. I didn’t care if it looked raggedy and was a little faded as long as it was comfortable. But, whenever I would go out somewhere, I would “dress up”, which consisted of putting on clothes that looked nicer so I could look good. I don’t think this is unusual behavior though. I’d say that most people generally are casual at home and dress nicer when they go out.
But, I put some thought into WHY I do this, and I realized two things. My main purpose in wearing nicer clothes when I went out was because I wanted to look good. More specifically…I wanted people to think I looked good. And, secondly, I realized that my NOT dressing up at home indicated that I really didn’t care what Julia thought about how I looked. But, this was completely backwards from what I wanted! I didn’t really want to try to impress other people, and the ONLY person I really cared about looking good for was Julia…but my actions didn’t reflect this.
Now, even though I dressed like a slob for the longest time, Julia still thought I looked good. I’m not sure how, maybe God just gave her blinders. But, I wasn’t content with that. I wanted to make sure that I looked smoking hot every time she saw me and I wanted to do whatever I could to help that. So, I decided to change my habits. Now, when I’m just hanging out at home, I put just as much effort into looking nice as I used to when going out. I make sure to shave and wear something decent even if I’m going to be home all day and she is the only one who will see me.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Looking good is NOT the end-all-be-all of a marriage. It is NOT what creates love or builds a relationship or ultimately what matters. If it takes you a lot of time to get dressed up with your hair done and looking good, is that really the best use of your time EVERY DAY? Probably not. Your wife should still love you just as much without the extra effort, and if she doesn’t, that is something you probably need to talk about. For me, it takes about 1-2 minutes of my time to put in that extra effort, so why would I not?! It’s a quick and easy way for me to show her love in a small way. Sure, she doesn’t require it, but it doesn’t hurt.
Here is my challenge to you:
When you decide what to wear and what effort you will put into how you look, think about why you are doing it and who you are dressing up for. Your wife may love you no matter what you look like, but STILL do whatever you can to both look good TO her and look good FOR her…not so you can feel cool about yourself, but so that your wife can feel good about you!