Tag Archives: argument

5 easy steps to always win an argument with your wife

bigstock_you_win_road_sign_4335631All I do is win win win no matter what…that’s how I roll!  LOL…not really…but seriously…I do.  One thing I always win is arguments with Julia.  So, what’s my secret you ask?  I’ll share it with you!

The first thing you need to realize is that you cannot “win an argument”.  Yes, you read that right.  It doesn’t matter how clever of a defense you come up with, or what sort of glaring mistakes you point out in the other person, you will lose.  Winning an argument is not predicated on proving who is right.  The more you continue to argue your point, the bigger the hole you are both in.

I know, I know…THAT’S TOUGH!  We all want to be right.  And it feels SO GOOD to lay down the hammers of justice and truth with some witty retorts and truth-bombs.  So, where does the “winning” come into play?  A win comes about by resolving the argument in a loving way where each of you learn and grow in your relationship.  BOOM!  So, you want the secret?  Here you go…

5-steps-office-renovation5 steps to take in order to win:

  1. Get to the root of what your wife is upset about.  Hint…it may not be what you originally think it is.  Ask some questions to make sure you understand what she’s upset about.
  2. Share your side of the story.  Be careful here because this step has the potential to stir things up more.  Make sure to be cautious and loving with any words you use.  This step is important because it’s important for BOTH of you to understand where the other person is coming from.
  3. Figure out what part of the argument is your fault.  I don’t mean figure out what % at fault you are, then compare that to her…but figure out what YOU did wrong.  If you are arguing with your wife, you did SOMETHING wrong.
  4. Take a minute to calm down.  Maybe go to a different room or take a short walk.  Use the time to think and pray for perspective.
  5. Apologize first.  Admit what you did wrong and be genuinely sorry about it.

I bet you’ll find that if you go through these steps, the argument will soon be a thing of the past.  Then…YOU WIN!  That doesn’t mean you “won the argument” by being right, but rather that “you won” by resolving the argument and both of you growing.

Road trip problems #husbandfail

from the blog www.stuckincustoms.comLast week, our family went on a road trip up to the Northeast.  It was a tiring but great week.  We spent about 35 hours together in the car, which was a lot, but we had a good time.  To help pass the time, I broke out 2 of my favorite road trip games from when I was a kid…which Julia had never played before.

To give you some background…we often took car trips when I was a kid.  In the age before portable electronics, we had to create fun and ALWAYS played 2 games…the ABC Game and the License Plate Game.  We loved games, and were often very particular about rules (to put it mildly).

ipad AZ billboardSo fast-forward back to present day…I explained how the ABC Game works: Starting at “A”, each person looks for a sign containing that letter.  Once you find it, you move on to the next letter.  The first person to “Z” wins.  Oh…and you can’t count letters on vehicles.  They have to be on billboards, signs, buildings, etc.  Why is that?  Because you just CAN’T!  You can NEVER use vehicles…the game just doesn’t work that way.

We played it as a family and had fun.  But, Julia thought my rule about no letters on vehicles was dumb…that it didn’t make sense…but she went along with it.

license-plates-01-0612-lgnLater, we started the License Plate Game, so I explained how it works:  Whenever you find a new state license plate, you write it down.  The goal is to look over the course of the trip and try to get all of them…Canadian provinces are bonus.  Oh…and you can’t count tractor trailers.  Why can’t you count them…even though they do have license plates?  Because that’s the way we’ve always done it!  It just makes sense because…(insert pointless reasons here).

Julia wanted to be able to use any plates we find and thought it seemed pointless to not allow certain vehicles.  But I pushed through adversity and made her see the truth…that my way was best!  I knew when we were discussing it that I was being ridiculous.  But, I felt so strongly about these rules that were ingrained in me that I stuck to my guns.  We continued the game, but I could tell there was tension.  On the trip back we talked about it some more and were able to air out how we each felt.

Here is what I learned:

  • There is nothing wrong with doing things “the way you always have.”
  • There is ALSO nothing wrong with doing things a new way.
  • There IS something wrong with being so stubborn that you refuse to listen to what your wife would like to do or consider her opinion or idea as valid.
  • It wasn’t the “rules” of the games that caused tension between Julia and me.  It was the way I was inflexible about something so trivial and didn’t care what she thought.

My challenge to you:

Don’t adopt an attitude of always sticking with YOUR way of doing things or pre-decided ideas.  Don’t assume or mandate that something be done your way, unless there is a REALLY good reason.  When your wife expresses a desire to do something differently, give it a shot…or at least discuss it!  You may find that you enjoy it even more.  As a result you may create your own memories and fun that are unique to you.