I could give you a list of a thousand phrases that would make your wife upset at you. I often stumble across them by accident. So, every once in a while, when I say something good, I try to remember it. I’ve realized one phrase that stands out to me as always reaching my wife’s heart. Four magic words that I can say to her…”what do you think?”
Why is this phrase magic? For a few reasons…
1: It shows I care about her. By asking what she thinks, I am letting her know that it matters what she thinks and I WANT to know what it is…so her opinion can be part of the decision making process.
2: I’m acknowledging the fact that what she says has value. The fact that I’m asking what she thinks means I anticipate substance from her response. This lets her know that her words have meaning and that our marriage is a partnership rather than a dictatorship.
3: I’m admitting that I need help. Nothing good comes from thinking I can do everything on my own. Asking for my wife’s input is a small step toward relying on someone else.
Something I’ve realized after 13 years of marriage is that Julia is very wise. In many areas she is wiser than I am. In any given circumstance, I have a tendency to make a quick appraisal of the situation and come to a conclusion about the best way to address it. Once I’ve decided what to do, everything else seems wrong. However…I’m not always right. I’ve found that asking Julia’s opinion often opens me up to new perspectives that I hadn’t considered.
My advice to you:
Don’t make decisions on your own. Even if it’s something you’ve decided that you are the one “responsible for”, ask what your wife thinks. Let her know that her opinions have value and you never know when you may be surprised by an idea that’s better than yours.