If I’m gonna be honest…sometimes marriage stinks. While I never regret being married or wonder if Julia is “right” for me, I have to admit that sometimes marriage is not fun. There are times I just want to be selfish and only think of myself. There are times where Julia and I get in a fight and I just don’t want to take the time to put in the effort it requires to get back on the same page. But, bearing this in mind, marriage is still great. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Julia is the most amazing person…and my best friend. I wouldn’t want to spend my life with anyone but her!
What I love about our life together is not the sum total of the best experiences. It’s not the memories of the best dates we’ve been on, plus the funny memories we share, added to the great vacations we’ve been on. Our life, our relationship, is all of this…PLUS… the fights we’ve had, the times we’ve cried together, the times we’ve been sick, exhausted, and stressed, and the times we’ve said something hurtful to each other. These moments (just as much as the good memories) are what make us real. They are what give us a relationship, which is made up of the good and the bad.
The last fight we had was a good example of this. I don’t remember exactly what it was about, but it had something to do with kale. Right off the bat, we were both in a bad place. The loving relationship we had was suddenly replaced by cold stone facades. Life seemed to be put on hold. At the moment, all I wanted was to be able to go back and take back my words from a few minutes earlier! But, here’s what I found out…I listened to her and heard what she was saying and feeling. Then she listened to me and understood where I was coming from. And then the facades we put up seemed to magically fall away. It was an awesome moment of resolution that we were both really proud of and thankful for. I feel it helped us in our relationship and we learned a lot about what we CAN do when faced with something like that.
But sometimes things aren’t that tidy. Sometimes we fight, but don’t have a quick and healthy resolution. Sometimes we’re grieving something that doesn’t go away. Sometimes we’re exhausted from life and there is no “win” at the finish line to reward us. At times like these, I try to remember…that’s life. We can’t pick and choose moments to make up our relationship. We have to take it all as a package. But, we CAN use the difficult times to help us be thankful. We CAN learn from mistakes we make.
My challenge to you:
When your marriage is having a rough day, remember that it’s just a day. Learn what you can from it. And remember to take the bad AND the good and love it ALL as a package.