Monthly Archives: October 2015

Sometimes…marriage stinks!

Italy 430If I’m gonna be honest…sometimes marriage stinks.  While I never regret being married or wonder if Julia is “right” for me, I have to admit that sometimes marriage is not fun.  There are times I just want to be selfish and only think of myself.  There are times where Julia and I get in a fight and I just don’t want to take the time to put in the effort it requires to get back on the same page.  But, bearing this in mind, marriage is still great.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  Julia is the most amazing person…and my best friend.  I wouldn’t want to spend my life with anyone but her!

What I love about our life together is not the sum total of the best experiences.  It’s not the memories of the best dates we’ve been on, plus the funny memories we share, added to the great vacations we’ve been on.  Our life, our relationship, is all of this…PLUS… the fights we’ve had, the times we’ve cried together, the times we’ve been sick, exhausted, and stressed, and the times we’ve said something hurtful to each other.  These moments (just as much as the good memories) are what make us real.  They are what give us a relationship, which is made up of the good and the bad.

The last fight we had was a good example of this.  I don’t remember exactly what it was about, but it had something to do with kale.  Right off the bat, we were both in a bad place.  The loving relationship we had was suddenly replaced by cold stone facades.  Life seemed to be put on hold.  At the moment, all I wanted was to be able to go back and take back my words from a few minutes earlier!  But, here’s what I found out…I listened to her and heard what she was saying and feeling.  Then she listened to me and understood where I was coming from.  And then the facades we put up seemed to magically fall away.  It was an awesome moment of resolution that we were both really proud of and thankful for.  I feel it helped us in our relationship and we learned a lot about what we CAN do when faced with something like that.

But sometimes things aren’t that tidy.  Sometimes we fight, but don’t have a quick and healthy resolution.  Sometimes we’re grieving something that doesn’t go away.  Sometimes we’re exhausted from life and there is no “win” at the finish line to reward us.  At times like these, I try to remember…that’s life.  We can’t pick and choose moments to make up our relationship.  We have to take it all as a package.  But, we CAN use the difficult times to help us be thankful.  We CAN learn from mistakes we make.  

My challenge to you:

When your marriage is having a rough day, remember that it’s just a day.  Learn what you can from it.  And remember to take the bad AND the good and love it ALL as a package.

List of ways to love your wife that you’ve never thought of before!

Ok, so I’m all about finding ways to show Julia I love her.  And I think it’s a great challenge for all husbands to do the same with their wives.  Feeling loved is such a pivotal connection for a wife, and they need to feel it from YOU!  A man who fails to show his wife this will have difficulty creating a genuine intimate relationship with her.

So if it’s so important, you would think this would be easy for all guys to do, but it’s NOT!  Personally, it can take me a while to figure out something that works well.  When I do it’s like…BOOM…EUREKA!…I’M GOOD TO GO NOW!  So, I stick with it.  And then stick with it some more.  And then keep doing it some more.  And eventually I realize that it doesn’t quite have the same impact that it originally did.  Hmm…I don’t understand!  If it blew her socks off the first time, why does it not have the same impact now…after beating it into the ground 100 times??!

So the point I want to make is…always be trying to find NEW ways to show your wife you love her.  The same old thing will STILL be good, but keeping things new will have a much bigger impact.  So, I want to give you a list of ideas to get you thinking…

-Leave sticky notes around the house with messages for her

-Ask if you can watch (insert her favorite TV show/movie) with her

stock-footage-father-and-son-doing-homework-on-the-table-in-the-living-roomAsk her to leave the kids’ homework until you get home so you can do it with them

-Write an “I love you” message on the driveway in chalk

-Pick a random day to celebrate your wife (like a birthday…but not on her birthday)

-Hold hands when walking somewhere

-Sit next to her on the couch

-Pick a book she might like and have “read-aloud” dates at night until you’ve read through it

-When she asks how your day was, think of some details to share rather than just saying “good”

-Ask for her input on something you have to decide about

-Brag about her to other people

-Defend her if your kids are disrespectful to her

-Get up early and proactively make sure the rest of the house is quiet so she can sleep in as long as she wants

044-Get her some flowers

-Get her some chocolates

-Get her some sort of food you know she loves

-Buy her an outfit you think she would like (but keep the receipt)

-Buy her any present

-Make her something out of pictures that is creative and meaningful

-Pray with her

-Schedule a sitter so you can go out on a date

-Plan an at-home date

-Plan a weekend getaway without the kids

-Do the laundry without her asking

IMG_8420Do the dishes without her asking

-Unload the dishwasher when it’s clean

-Plan, shop for, and cook a nice dinner

-Plan, shop for, and cook a week of dinners

-Vacuum the house without her asking

-Clean the bathrooms without her asking

-Pick-up something of yours that is always messy around the house

-Make lunches for the kids without her knowing

-Make an all-day plan to go out with the kids on Saturday so she can have a free day

-Get the kids ready and put them to bed

-Send her a nice email letting her know you were thinking of her

-Handwrite a letter telling her how much you love her

My challenge to you:

Pick a few of the ideas above that stand out to you.  Maybe something you’ve never tried before, or something you think your wife might appreciate.  Then, make a point of doing it!