My last post was directed to wives about the importance of communicating with their husbands. If a husband isn’t loving his wife well, one of the best things that can help is for the man to understand what “loving her well” means. And the best way to do that, is for his wife to talk with him about it.
But, the sad reality is that sometimes a wife can do a great job of communicating exactly what is frustrating her, or what she NEEDS her husband to do, or an area she’s not feeling loved….but he either doesn’t hear her, or he just doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it. YIKES! So wives, what do you do now??!! Unfortunately there is no magic solution for this, but I do have three steps you can take to address it.
1. Don’t forget to pray
This is the MOST important step! When you try to solve a problem without relying on God, it’s like a blind person trying to drive through Atlanta traffic…it’s not going to happen…at least not well. With God, all things are possible…not for YOU to accomplish, but for GOD to accomplish through you. When you’ve communicated an issue, but your husband doesn’t seem care or doesn’t change, you’re not dealing with a knowledge issue, you’re dealing with a HEART issue. And God is the only one that can change that. So talk with God. Let Him know what you need help with. Let Him know what you hope for your husband. Trust Him to affect the change in HIS timing. And keep at it! Remember, just because it doesn’t change right away, doesn’t mean God is not hearing you. Stay faithful and “cast all your cares upon Him.” And don’t do this alone! Find a prayer group, or a women’s bible study, or simply a friend or two that will support you in praying. This will help provide more prayer as well as encourage with (hopefully) godly advice as you work through it.
2. Don’t gossip
I know this is going to be tempting, but if your husband is not loving you well and doesn’t seem to care about your needs, don’t trash talk him with your girlfriends. This will not accomplish anything positive. It only creates an atmosphere of negativity which is contagious and self-perpetuating…meaning your friends will be likely to focus on the negative aspects of THEIR husbands, and you will continue to focus on the negative aspects of yours. Never-NEVER put your husband down to other people. The only exception is this…as I mention in the prayer section above, it can be good to talk with a friend (in confidence) to have their support and advice. There is a lot of purpose in this, but it is very different than unloading pent up frustrations to a group of people.
3. Don’t give up
If you don’t see a change in your husband after talking with him and praying for him, it can be easy to get discouraged and want to give up. Change almost ALWAYS takes time, so DON’T GIVE UP! This can be a tricky one, but you should keep talking about the issue with your husband. Now here’s why this is tricky…it can be VERY EASY for this to turn into nagging. When this happens, many men push even farther away from what is being asked of them. However, it IS important to talk about things like this more than once. Try talking about it from a different angle. Try helping him to see from your perspective in a way he may not have realized before. And make sure there is a good bit of time between this and the last time you brought the subject up. There are two reasons to keep bringing it up. One is that sometimes guys need to hear things more than once for it to sink in (I’m raising my hand here!). And two is that maybe God has been working on his heart since the last time you talked. Maybe NOW he is able to hear you better. But like I said, be very careful about bringing something up too frequently, this can cause more harm than good.
My advice to you (women):
If you’ve communicated with your husband about an issue where you need him to show you love more, but he doesn’t seem to respond, remember these steps. Start with prayer because it will be the MOST important thing you can do. Remember to not put him down with your friends while you work through things. And don’t give up! Keep praying, and keep talking with him about it. Just make sure any conversations you have are respectful and full of love and humility on YOUR part or they will not be received well.
Also realize that change can take time. It may happen after talking about it once, or it could be after praying for 10 years. Be faithful in loving your husband well trusting that God will work in His timing
My advice to you (men):
What issue has your wife been trying to communicate with you about? What area does she need to feel love from you in that you’re not giving her? Does she feel alone in housework? Does she feel alone in child raising? Does she feel like you don’t make spending time with her a priority? What has she told you that you haven’t responded well to? Don’t make her bring it up over and over. Put your selfishness aside and think about what you can do to START loving her well in that area.