Monthly Archives: April 2014

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4 reasons it matters what type of husband you are

As I’ve been blogging each week, I try to keep in mind WHY all of this matters.  Sure, being a good husband is noble and a good goal, but is it really that important?  YES, and here are 4 reasons why.

Wedding_rings1.  You are the only husband your wife has:

Your wife has needs.  A need to be loved, appreciated, and cherished.  She needs to feel secure.  She needs to know who you are and for you to have an emotional connection.  She needs to be fulfilled sexually, and she needs someone to be there for her and listen to her.  Most of these needs can ONLY be met by YOU!  If you’re too busy with work, friends, sports, or tv, then you will not have time to invest in her.  If you don’t help fulfill these needs as her husband, you are undermining her ability to reach her full potential as a woman, a mother, and as a child of God.  And if you don’t step up in your role…there is a good possibility that another man may come in to take your spot.

Ephesians-4-2-5-web-nlt2.  God Tells You To:

– Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
– Colossians 3:9 – “Husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them”
– Ephesians 5:28 – “…husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies.  He who loves his wife, loves himself.”

The Bible is very clear about how you should treat your wife.  Love her.  Put her desires above yours.  Don’t be harsh with her.  Be a leader, but not in a demanding way…in a way that is worthy of respect.  If God calls us to this role, then we should do whatever we can to fulfill it.

1923564558_13889341003.  Your Kids are Watching:

Good or bad, our kids will learn from the example we set.  Sure, everyone is different, and it is possible for good people to come from a bad childhood and vice versa, but on the whole, MOST kids will develop a lot of the traits and habits their parents model.  You have the opportunity to not just try to be the best husband YOU can be, but to also help raise your kids to do the same when they grow up.  I laugh at all the silly and crazy traits I see in Eli that I know he gets from me.  I love it, but it’s a sobering reminder that I need to be aware of everything I do and say.

f404ba92b2450140a6500c5320fc35994.  Other People are Watching:

Yes, your kids will learn from the example you set, and so will other men and women.  The more you try to make positive changes in your life, the more others will see and learn from the actions you take too.

A chance to make all things new

5995Yesterday, for the Easter service, our church had a theme for the morning of All Things New.  Jesus came, died, and rose again so that I can be made new.  The life I used to have was full of sin, death, and defeat just by my nature as a human.  But, because of the sacrifice He made, by accepting Him as my Savior, I can be forgiven of all the sin that separates me from God.  Now I am a new creation living with purpose and hope and will live forever with Him in Heaven one day.  Woohoo!

As I sat in the service, I thought about how Jesus gave us the chance to make our souls new, but realized that there is SO much more that is possible.  ALL THINGS means EVERYTHING.  What is it in my life that God wants to make new but I’m not allowing Him to?

Possibly my role as a spiritual leader of the family.  That’s something I know is so important, but feel I constantly fall short of what I want it to be.  It’s tough enough to keep MYSELF spiritually strong much less leading a whole family.  Even with the best intentions, I find it difficult not to let life get in the way.

Maybe it’s my compassion for others and taking chances to help people in need.  I used to laugh with a friend of mine when we both scored a 0 in the Mercy category on our spiritual gifts test back in middle school.  I’ve matured a good bit since then, realizing the importance of this and trying to take whatever chances I can to help others…but it is still difficult.

Maybe some of you reading this need your role as a husband to be “made new”.  Maybe you feel that you know what being a husband should look like, but it seems so far from where you are.  Well…it’s a good thing that Jesus died because YOU ARE MADE NEW!  He has redeemed your past sin.  He has given you a chance to live a full life with hope and peace.  That doesn’t mean life will be perfect.  In fact, I guarantee you it will not be.  But, you are not captive to your sin…past or present.  Start today!  Treat your wife the way God calls you to.

Don’t steal your wife’s chance to show her awesomeness…yeah, Julia brought it!

EXHAUSTED after the finish.  What a day! - Version 2Last weekend, I participated in a Crossfit competition at the gym we go to.  I love Crossfit, but to be honest, my skill level doesn’t match my excitement…at least compared to a lot of guys.  So, my plan was to just have fun and do my best.  Well, I ended up doing much better than I expected and placed in the top 8 after the 3 workouts to make it to the finals.  I (not so secretly) hoped I wouldn’t make it because I was EXHAUSTED, and the last workout was going to be tough.  Julia and Eli were there.  They had come to cheer for me.  Even though I was tired, I went through the final workout doing my best.  About 2/3rds of the way through it I realized there were only 2 guys in front of me.  By this time, my wife was going CRAZY! (in a good way)  She (along with a lot of other people) was yelling as loud as she could, cheering for me.  Another guy passed me near the end, but I passed him back at the finish to take 3rd place by just a few seconds.  There were a lot of people cheering, but the only person I could hear was Julia.  I was filled with so much joy from how happy and proud she was of me.  It was a really awesome moment.

1979590_10152367616064328_7368996499057244573_nLater that day, I was pretty worthless.  I spent most of the afternoon and evening with my legs propped up on the couch, drinking water, taking advil, or soaking in an epsom salt bath.  And during this time Julia was AMAZING!  She made sure I was ok and brought me whatever I needed.  She was always on top of preventing me from doing anything that wasn’t necessary and letting me take it easy as much as I could.  Let me tell you…it was AWESOME.  I felt so loved by her.  The way she was so proud of me all day, and the way she took care of my needs made me feel so great.

There were a couple moments during that day where I had to make decisions.  And had I made them differently, my day wouldn’t have been nearly as great.  In the morning, Julia asked me if I wanted her to come cheer for me.  The obvious answer is YES, of course I do, but for some reason I have a tough time saying that.  I know she just wants to know what my desires are, but I don’t like feeling like I’m telling her what to do.  I feel if I say “yes, I want you there”, then she may just come out of obligation.  If she has other things she wants to do, I want her to feel free to do them.  I told her that it would be fun if she came, but she didn’t HAVE to.  Well, of course she did come and I was SO glad she did.  The competition wouldn’t have been NEARLY as rewarding if she hadn’t been there to cheer for me and us to experience the excitement together.

The other time was when we were at home.  I generally try my best to one-up Julia in doing things at home, so it’s tough for me to let her do things FOR me.  And its also tough for me to ask for help…or even realize when I need it.  Once I realized that I could use the help, and I didn’t have to tough it out, all I had to do was let her know.  And, I have to say…the way she was so happy to give me a chance to relax and cater to my every need was…the best…ever.  I really needed it and she loved to help.

Last Saturday was one of the most enjoyable days I’ve had in a very long time.  I was proud of how I did in the competition, but even more so, I was so happy for Julia and I to have been able to share the experience.  And then to be able to experience the love she had for me the rest of the day was truly a blessing.

So…what does this have to do with being a loving husband?  Sometimes the best way to love your wife, is to give her the chance to love you, support you, be proud of you, and take care of you.  It is ok to tell her what you want.  It is ok to let her take care of you.  A relationship is a two way street.  Don’t steal your wife’s opportunity to bless you.

How to look good for your wife…don’t make the mistake that I did…

tumblr_m4ughtw7UN1r6y3u1o1_500I realized something a while ago about the way I dressed.  When I was at home, my clothes of choice were…lacking…to put it mildly.  This usually consisted of cargo pants or jeans paired with a faded t-shirt that I’d had for around 10 years.  Nothing generally matched and many clothes had holes or stains on them.  I didn’t care if it looked raggedy and was a little faded as long as it was comfortable.  But, whenever I would go out somewhere, I would “dress up”, which consisted of putting on clothes that looked nicer so I could look good.  I don’t think this is unusual behavior though.  I’d say that most people generally are casual at home and dress nicer when they go out.

But, I put some thought into WHY I do this, and I realized two things.  My main purpose in wearing nicer clothes when I went out was because I wanted to look good.  More specifically…I wanted people to think I looked good.  And, secondly, I realized that my NOT dressing up at home indicated that I really didn’t care what Julia thought about how I looked.  But, this was completely backwards from what I wanted!  I didn’t really want to try to impress other people, and the ONLY person I really cared about looking good for was Julia…but my actions didn’t reflect this.

Now, even though I dressed like a slob for the longest time, Julia still thought I looked good.  I’m not sure how, maybe God just gave her blinders.  But, I wasn’t content with that.  I wanted to make sure that I looked smoking hot every time she saw me and I wanted to do whatever I could to help that.  So, I decided to change my habits.  Now, when I’m just hanging out at home, I put just as much effort into looking nice as I used to when going out.  I make sure to shave and wear something decent even if I’m going to be home all day and she is the only one who will see me.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Looking good is NOT the end-all-be-all of a marriage.  It is NOT what creates love or builds a relationship or ultimately what matters.  If it takes you a lot of time to get dressed up with your hair done and looking good, is that really the best use of your time EVERY DAY?  Probably not.  Your wife should still love you just as much without the extra effort, and if she doesn’t, that is something you probably need to talk about.  For me, it takes about 1-2 minutes of my time to put in that extra effort, so why would I not?!  It’s a quick and easy way for me to show her love in a small way.  Sure, she doesn’t require it, but it doesn’t hurt.

Here is my challenge to you:

When you decide what to wear and what effort you will put into how you look, think about why you are doing it and who you are dressing up for.  Your wife may love you no matter what you look like, but STILL do whatever you can to both look good TO her and look good FOR her…not so you can feel cool about yourself, but so that your wife can feel good about you!