Something I want to change about myself

imageI think I am a pretty funny guy.  But, not really in the sense you would normally think.  I’m a pretty introverted person who stays quiet in large groups.  But, in smaller settings, I’m often ready to unload with amusing quips.  What’s strange is that I do best in improper locations like hospitals or funeral homes.  It drives Julia crazy.  I’m always whispering things to her that at least I find to be hilarious.  Often I have to tell them to her after the fact so as not to be too inappropriate.

But, I also find this happens in serious conversations.  In general I’m not very good at talking about feelings or serious topics of importance.  My eyes start to go dry like they do in shopping malls.  It’s medically proven…I’m not making it up.  Basically I zone out for a bit.  But…I still listen, and every once in a while I think of something hilarious to say and BOOM, I drop it.  It’s great.  Then, I go dormant for a while until BOOM…another zinger!  So, when all is said and done, there has been an awesome conversation about…something…interrupted intermittently by me trying to be funny.  Mission accomplished!…right?

Now, as funny as I think I’m being…I’m really not that funny.  It’s probably actually more annoying than anything.  And what I find is that when I’m trying to be funny, I leave no impact of significance on others.  I WANT to be able to have meaningful conversations with my wife and others.  I WANT to be able to encourage people and make a difference in their lives.  But, when the only substance I offer is jokes, I’m failing miserably.

So, I’m working on it.  I’m working on being real.  I’m working on listening.  There is nothing wrong with saying funny things.  I just don’t want it to be all that I offer of myself.  So my challenge to myself, and anyone else who may fall into this category, is to remember to be real.  Developing a real relationship with your wife or other people takes conversations of substance.  For me, this requires effort.  If you’re the same way, I encourage you to work on it too.