Back in 1995, Gary Chapman authored a book called The 5 Love Languages. This book and the concepts it talks about quickly became a staple for christian married couples everywhere. The idea is a simple one…in the same way that people have different personalities, interests, and preferences, people also experience love in different ways. Just because you feel loved from certain things doesn’t mean your wife will feel the same. Chapman breaks this down into five different “love languages”: Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
This concept has been one of the most important to me in figuring out how to love Julia. Personally, I feel loved by acts of service and physical touch. Because that’s what I love, by default I tend to do the same for her…since that’s what I think about and what I know best. I didn’t know when we were first married, but ironically, Julia feels love most by gifts, quality time, and words of affirmation…which is the opposite of me. Now, that doesn’t mean she DISLIKES the things I do, but all things being equal, the time and effort I was putting into trying to show her love were GOOD but not the BEST. After I learned this, I tried to go out of my way to show love to her the way she likes best.
The way I see it is…if I’m not aware of how Julia receives love best, and if I don’t do my best to meet those needs for her, I am not really loving her. Guys, this is a no brainer…make sure to learn this about your wife. And however she receives love best, MAKE SURE to keep it in mind and feed her in that way. You can’t just fall back on…”women like flowers” and stick with that. If she doesn’t feel loved by gifts, it may not really be helping her feel loved. Or, if the main way you try to show her love is telling her she looks nice…but words of affirmation isn’t high on her list, you might be missing out on what she really needs.
My challenge to you:
If you and your wife have not discussed or looked into this concept before, I strongly encourage you to. Reading the book together is a great way to do it. If you don’t want to buy it, try borrowing from a friend. Or, if you’re not the book reading type of guys, try going to their website www.5lovelanguages.com where you can take a easy online assessment to help you figure out what your love language is. Once you are your wife have been able to either read the book, or go online…talk about what you discovered. It is SO important to understand what your wife needs, and this is a great and VERY EASY step to help discover it.